From Boys to Allies: 3 Ways to Parent for Gender Equity

When my first son was born, I was absolutely enamored. Then came my second son, and my heart was full yet again. But I have to be honest—there was part of me that felt a little sadness. I had always envisioned raising a fierce, badass, future woman leader—a little mini me – but with two boys that dream disappeared.

However, it didn’t take long for me to realize it was an absolute gift.  Because as hard as women have been fighting for gender equity, it’s not a fight we can win on our own. We NEED male allies—men who stand beside us, support us, and help break down the barriers. And suddenly, I had the chance to mold two of the best.

They’re both teenagers now and I couldn’t be prouder of how both boys are developing into the allies the world needs. The older one even became a social justice activist his senior year of high school.  It hasn’t happened by accident; my husband and I have been intentional in how we’ve raised them.

Here are three ways we’ve made it happen:

1. Be an Example

Kids learn by what they see far more than by what they hear. Research even backs this up—kids who have working moms are more likely to work themselves and to have a more egalitarian view of gender roles. So for my husband and me, setting the right example has been critical. It’s not just about what I do but about how he supports me and how we share responsibilities. Whether it's him cheering me on in my career, stepping up at home, or us making decisions as equals, it all matters. When boys see a balanced partnership, it shapes how they view women in their own lives—now and in the future.

2. Language Matters

Words have power. And trust me, our boys have heard this a thousand times from me. Language shapes how we think and how we treat others, and that’s why we’re careful with our words at home. It might sound like a small thing, but it’s huge. (I wrote about this topic more in-depth here.) For example, we never use the word “girl” to refer to a grown woman—it undermines and diminishes her in subtle ways. We don’t use terms like “boss babe” or “lady boss,” either. Women are leaders, full stop. And it's not just about how we talk about women; it's also about the everyday language we use. We're quick to call out phrases like “you guys” when talking to a mixed-gender group. We’re teaching our boys to choose words that respect and uplift, rather than divide or diminish.

3. Encourage Empathy and Understanding

If there’s one thing we’ve worked on, it’s raising our boys to understand and empathize with the experiences of others—especially women. We don’t shy away from conversations about periods, body changes, or other natural parts of being a woman. No awkwardness, no shame—just understanding. We’ve encouraged open discussions about gender inequality and encouraged them to listen to stories about the experiences of women. The goal is to help them see the world through different lenses, to build a natural empathy that they can carry into their relationships, their workplaces, and the world at large.

We’ve had countless conversations about gender equity, equality, and how they can be part of the solution. We share real-life examples of inequality and discuss how they would feel in those situations. By encouraging them to listen and empathize, we are equipping them to be the allies the world needs. And in doing so, we’re not only supporting women today but building a more equal future for generations to come.

And while this post is about raising boys to be allies because that’s my lived experience, these steps work just as well for raising girls. Modeling equality, using empowering language, and fostering empathy help girls understand their own worth and the importance of supporting other women.

So, fellow boy parents, what have you done to help create allies in your own homes? I’d love to hear your stories, tips, and the lessons you’re teaching the next generation. Let’s build a community of parents raising the men the world needs.